So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
