trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
