The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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