hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You don't make any sense
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