A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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