how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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