The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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