sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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