my phone needs a breathalizer
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
