Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
