Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
