I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
