I don't think brook has ever known best
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
