my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
