Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
