Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
