i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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