Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
