So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
