if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize