don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
