I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Enjoy the penises
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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