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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
