I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i believe in u and ur pee
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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