fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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