I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
