I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
