So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
