Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
