Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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