The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
