These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
