Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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