I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
