can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
