the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
