Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
