I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
