sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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