Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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