Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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