Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
