YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
