it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
