Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
