Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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