If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
