I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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