It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
