saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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