i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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