come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
