Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
