my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
