32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
