I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Randomize
