Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
