Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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