I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
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If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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