your room smells of hookers.
And success
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
