My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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