A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
