You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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