I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
