Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
