Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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