He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.