ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
