Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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