I seem to have left my pride at pride
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
