I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
